New Year, New Attitude?

Well, I have abandoned the Lily rug…can’t see hooking all those lily pads. Seemed like a fun rug to do, was planning on making it a type of hit and miss style, but then I started shading the lily pads…too much detail for what I was after. I may go back to it later.

The current project is just going to be a fun prim style one. Back to my basics. It is funny how sometimes we forget, abandon or don’t trust those old basic things that gave us success. Why fix it if it ain’t broke? Is it because it has attached to it, so many bad memories? Can we just hold onto the good, forget the bad? Is this possible?

It is almost like somebody that I used to know…or something.

How is the New Year so far?

Is it bright, shiny and new?

Are the resolutions resolved? Probably not. If so, what would we strive for? What would we do without hope? Without goals to strive for, hurts to heal, loves to embrace.

I am not big on Resolutions; I have enough trouble with the multitude of lists in my day to day goings-on. Think about it. Write it down. Wait. Re-read it. Is it still valid?

Ronda says it’s important.

Write it down. Is it really important? Probably. Time will tell.

Long road, bumpy and why isn’t it smooth yet. A statement, not a question. A statement.

Ron says I’m in the final stage of whatever it is I’m supposed to be overcoming…Why does there have to be a stage for each moment of growth? Why are some stages so much longer than other? When are the stages over? What then? Stage zero?

Visit Womens powerful words

Visit Womens words.com

Important. It lingers. Those not gone through it do not understand. Please have patience, it is hard.

Wool Hoarders

Well, I’ve started a new project. I am using up acw (already cut wool) and REFUSE to cut anymore. I have bins and bags of cut wool, and it’s high time I started using it up. I would love to see an episode of Wool Hoarders…I would surely be able to empathize with that

My house is not that big, and so all these little pockets of acw is starting to get on my nerves.

I am not sure what I will call the new rug, but it has a dog, cat, some birds…prim flowers…lots of variation to get in all that acw.

Pictures to follow once I charge the cam batteries. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Holidays to all.

“Change your words, change your world.” Purple content

What’s new in the hooking world?

I finally started hooking this evening. Lily pads. I started it, I intend to finish it.

I think my next one will be a big hit and miss style for the floor. That will be rhythmic work, an easy task that brings comfort.

Not a whole lotta comfort these days. Tired, frustrated and overwhelmed. There ya go.

Stage IV Acceptance: I’m ready for whatever comes

I have learned not to be bitter or angry.

I have learned not to be cynical.

I have learned that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t change what you have no business changing. All I can do is change how I think and feel about it.

I have learned that not all people are abusive.

I have learned that people love me, even when I’m dark, even when I’m feeling yucky and unlovable. I love them more for this.

I have learned to be thankful for the loving people in my life.

I am currently learning to accept that I DO DESERVE them, and that I’m worthy of such love. Learning, not quite there yet, but soon?

I have learned that things don’t always get better just because I did the right things; the only way out is to get out.

I have learned that toxic people, spill onto us until we feel it, live it, breath it; but only if we let them. They don’t want to do this, they are sick. I have learned they don’t need my help, and that they would eventually destroy me if I kept trying.

I have learned it’s okay to demand what I want and not pay for it, one way or another. It’s okay to love and want to be loved back without pain.

I have learned that dealing with unpleasant things is just a fact of life. Pushing them away, ignoring or covering them up only make them grow and become monsters.

I have learned that fear is not necessarily a burden, if steps are taken to keep safe.

I have learned that I still have fear and I can’t just say I don’t, I do. I am dealing with it and I hope someday, to have less fear.

I have learned that gut feeling is usually right but we don’t always listen to this gift.

I have learned that I think waaaayyyyy too much.

I have learned that it is ok to be me, that I am what I am, no apologies, no regrets.

I have learned that it is just a fact of my life that awful things have happened, not be be ashamed anymore, to move on and never let them happen again.

I have learned not to feel responsible for other people’s actions. What I am responsible for, is how I choose to deal with these actions.

I have learned that this journey is hard, sometimes easy but never dull. I have decided that who I want on this journey is my choice, and they’d better be darn good or they aren’t coming

I have learned that I love laughter.

I have learned that even the hard stuff is worth it, because at least I still am here tomorrow.

Are we really who we believe we are?

I read this quotation:

“ You are who you believe you are. “

Is this true? I find it seems to run circles in my mind, trying so hard to believe and hope and then, WHAM, another wrench in the cog so to speak…just when I think…then the unthinkable…

So, try as I might, to believe what I am, doesn’t the incessant braying of other seem to cloud this? Doesn’t it seem to cast doubt/fear/sadness? Why do we let this happen? Are we doubting fraidy cat sad people?

I don’t think so. I think, sensitive. Now being sensitive has it’s positives and it’s negatives…positives: we love passionately and blissfully…but the negative side to this, is that when confronted with such constant picking apart, we are yes, very sensitive to it. So how to balance this?

How do we still love passionately, give ourselves with wild abandon, without losing ourselves…without letting the creepers creep into our souls?

Quite a balancing act.

This is gonna be a tough week…boys back in school, M is going to college; he’s starting a new life. I hope and pray the world will be kind to him. He’s such a good kid, big heart even though he’s still mad at me…for things I can’t fix…I tried, my God how I tried. D in his final year of high school and WHAM off he goes too…Yes I’m selfishly sad, but I am also so very excited for them to be finding their way, my babies, they will always be…but fine young men I see that too. So very proud of them.

We progress, we digress. In this mess…is there any other way? Progress:

I told RA: I am still strong. I will leave my cupboard doors opened. I can do that now, even if, when I see them I have that rush of sadness…No more fear.

Regress: Yes of course I still have fear. Working on it. Really I am. “I want a full tank of absolution…But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I’d find
No fear..” Terri Clark

Adele

An Invincible Warrior

Invincible. This word can mean many things to many people. It is a personal thing to me. What I want to be invincible at.

in·vin·ci·ble/inˈvinsəbəl/
Adjective: Too powerful to be defeated or overcome: “an invincible warrior”. More »
Dictionary.com – Answers.com – Merriam-Webster – The Free Dictionary

I was wrong

Well, I was WRONG. One lily pad is fun…two is a challenge…but three? Yikes…boring. So what to do? Keep going or chuck? I hate not finishing a project…but then, I hate putting more wool into a project I don’t like. What to do? What do I do…

Wayne! Wait for me! Take me up in your hot air balloon and feed me cotton candy…Wayne! Pray for me!

I was there…

And I saw it with my own two eyes…it’s all around…all around me…you surround me like a circle…

I was there
C’mon and tell me I wasn’t worth
Sticking it out for
Well I was there
And I know I was worth it
Cause if I wasn’t worth it
That makes me worse off then you are
But don’t lose sight of me now
Don’t lose sight of me now

Sleeping dogs never lie far enough away?

Your Relationship Rights | Women’s Rights | Building A Healthy Relationship

Your Relationship Rights | Women’s Rights | Building A Healthy Relationship.

These are your rights in a healthy relationship: Claim them!

* The right to goodwill from your partner.
* The right to emotional support.
* The right to be heard by your partner and to be responded to with courtesy.
* The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real and valid.
* The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern you.
* The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
* The right to live free from accusation and blame.
* The right to encouragement.
* The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
* The right to be respectfully asked, rather then “ordered.”
* The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.